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July 28th, 2011

Top 10 Reasons to Switch to Windows

Here we go again, stealing the IP of David Letterman. Actually we found some prior art on this so we think we’re okay – so we offer this week’s Top Ten list!

  1. Those nifty file extensions.
  2. The always there when you need it “control-alt-delete” function.
  3. It’ll execute any file, right out of the box, without any prompting from you!
  4. How can the company that gave us ActiveX go wrong?
  5. Buy now and they’ll throw-in antivirus and a firewall absolutely free – a $200 value!
  6. Peace of mind from knowing you’re not violating any Microsoft patents.
  7. One word: Reboot.
  8. Every crash gives you the opportunity to stop and smell the roses.
  9. More bloat than you can ever use.
  10. Microsoft’s new volume licensing deal, “With six you get egg roll” (some restrictions apply).

28 comments to Top 10 Reasons to Switch to Windows

  • NOYB

    This is a joke, right?

  • Bart

    You forgot that nifty fragmenting filesystem

  • @Bart Damn! It should’ve been a Top 11 list, eh?

  • Nikkels

    What about:

    Your processor will never have a dull moment.

    You don’t have to worry that maybe you bought too much RAM

  • ruurd


  • Mark

    You get to pay for it all over again, plus a new machine, in a few years time.

  • Drew

    You get to experience & share the latest viruses available on the web.

  • “Peace of mind from knowing youโ€™re not violating any Microsoft patents.”


  • Carling

    You get to see the famous MS B o D window often

  • Glenn Thigpen

    You will never have to run your latest version on outdated equipment.

  • Hunkah

    Your boot times will gradually get slower and slower giving you ample time to go get that morning coffee and actually chat with your co-workers before actually doing any work at all… consider it paid vacation time at work! Everyone needs a good 15 – 20 minutes of relaxation/downtime before your computer chooses to shut down on you automatically after it updates on its own.

    Then there is that stress of losing a half-days worth of work on that unsaved word document (that no one can actually read unless they paid for the EXACT same update that you paid for)… the reboot gives you another 15-20 minutes of down time to calm yourself and get another coffee. Microsoft… they think of everything!

    Thank-you Microsoft for making everyone’s working life so much more productive. Bosses all over the world thank-you for having these mandatory downtimes to keep employees stress free.

  • Hunkah

    You can’t forget the forced reflection times either… they’re awesome!

    Start >> Settings >> Control Panel >> Add and Remove Programs.. then your system just locks up for about 15-20 minutes for reflection. To assist you in making sure you really want to add or remove a program. None of this “yum install” crap that happens immediately or in the background so that you can keep working on what you were working on… NO. You need that reflection time! It is important. Otherwise you will end up with a registry Swiss cheese that will bog your system down. We wouldn’t want that now. We have important proprietary documents to create!

  • Ok, I know this is humor, and it is indeed funny. Many of these points are spot on for Windows XP, and some of them for Windows Vista. However, most of them don’t apply to Windows 7, making these pot shots quite a miss.

    I was a heavy FOSS defender and a fanatical Linux user a few years ago and I understand that when you are satisfied with Linux for a considerable amount of time you aren’t quite in a rush to try the latest from the Windows world, so you’re stuck with outdated impressions. If the last Windows you used is XP or Vista, you don’t know what you’re talking about.

    Just a heads up. I hope I wont be automatically branded a Windows fanboy and shunned. I’m closer to a Mac fanboy, but I don’t really care for such levels of loyalty. I use what I like most and what works best for *me*.

  • How about the entertaining sessions of “WTF is causing the hard drive to grind now?!?”

  • You folks are great! I can’t begin to tell you how much fun I’ve had reading your additions to our top ten list! And @memenode, we’re just having fun. Glad you’re enjoying Windows 7. I hope that works out for you.

  • Nathan Lewis

    The amazing “No TAB’s” experience in Windows Explorer!

  • jd

    You forgot to mention the following “features” of Winblows.
    You get to join the critical security update of the month club.
    You get to join the critical security update of the week club.
    You get to scream as the manditory update kills the o.s.dead.
    You get to appreciate Winblows quality software as Word errors
    out with macro format errors and your doc is garbage.
    You get to cry out loud as Winblows security manager deletes your
    files for no reason you can see.
    You get to rip your hair out when you’ve installed user packs but
    Winblows tells you they are “invalid”.You get finger bone spurs
    doing Control Alt Delete all day long.

  • Richard

    Well I would really appreciate an always working Ctrl-Alt-Del function in my Ubuntu. I’ve configured gnome-system-monitor for these keys but nothing works when Flash freezes my Laptop for good and NOTHING works or moves.

  • Zeromass

    Wow I’m a UNIX administrator and I’m offended at the Microsoft stereotypes in this forum.

    Did you guys just step off a time machine or something?

  • @Zeromass It’s only a lighthearted humor piece. We pick on someone every week in a Top 10 list. Don’t take it so seriously.

  • Zeromass


    It’s not nearly as timeless as “Why did the chicken cross the road?”
    I have a sense of humour, but 3 generations old jokes aren’t particularly hilarious.

    Maybe you guys should make a Linux 1.0 Kernel top 10 list and show a little self depreciation ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • eld@rion

    You get the pleasure to try this great wonder of malware called TDSS! Don’t deny yourself this pleasure!

    (sorry about that, but i lost all weekend removing this nasty thing on my Windows Partition)

  • @eld@rion That’s what you get for having a Windows partition! Just joking, I have Windows partitions on all of my machines but one. Glad you got it removed!

  • eld@rion

    @Christine Hall
    lol. That thing turned my computer into a botnet. All i was seeing running “netstat -a” was a lot of outgoing SMTP traffic to emails unknown to me. Plus, that thing, along with some spyware that it downloaded, was logging my keystrokes to send my password to someone. TDSS was blocking (locking) some “.sys” files inside \windows\system32\drivers so that scanning files with an anti-something lead to a scanner freeze, so i couldn’t even scan my Windows for malware.

    And all because i downloaded a free app to convert some videos… ๐Ÿ™

  • eld@rion I Googled it when you made your first post. I just looked at the results page, but it looked like something I’d rather not have to deal with. I wish the black hats would find something better to do with their time and that MS would build more secure software.

  • @memenode, which points don’t apply to Windows 7?

    [6] Are they charging for firewall and antivirus now?
    [5] Do we no longer have peace of mind from Microsoft patents ..did they sell them all to trolls?
    [1] Did they end their volume licensing deal high costs and confusion ..or remove restrictions?
    [2] They’re now short on bloat, huh?
    [7] Are they now going wrong, yes/no?

    Really, which few are the only ones that now apply?

  • […] [Joke] Top 10 Reasons to Switch to Windows […]