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Top 10 Things To Do With an iPhone Prototype Found Abandoned in a Bar

It’s Thursday, and around these parts that means it’s time for the Top 10 list, which means nobody nor nothing is safe.

This week it was deja vu all over again (to steal somebody else’s line) over in Cupertino town, where the Zapple… (oops, that’s a cheap wine they might not even make anymore) …the Apple folks have once again managed to misplace (that means “lose” or “leave behind”) a valuable prototype of an unreleased iPhone at a bar. Hmmm… come to think of it, maybe they are the Zapple folks after all.

Just in case you’ve been living in a cave on some remote island somewhere, the exact same thing happened a year ago in an incident that’s just now getting sorted-out in court. You tell us, doesn’t it seem that a company trying to keep its secrets secret would learn not to take those secrets into a bar? But, then again, we’re poor and they’re rich. We do understand that rich yuppies act much differently than folks like you and I.

Anyway, that got us thinking about the possible things a person might do upon finding an iPhone prototype abandoned in a bar. We wanted this to be realistic, so to put ourselves in the proper frame of mind to fully understand the mindset of your typical bar patron, we opened up a bottle of Wild Crow and then let our imaginations run away with us.

So, here it is, our list of the top 10 things to do with an iPhone prototype found in a bar….

  1. Do the right thing and return it to Apple. Then you get mad when they don’t offer you a reward and start a blog ( or something) and spend the rest of your life writing tirades against Apple.
  2. You call Gizmodo and try to sell it to them. They say no-way-Jose, been-there-done-that, we-can’t-afford-the-legal-fees, or words to that effect.
  3. After slipping it in your pocket, you take it back to your apartment. About 4 AM you’re awakened by the sound of fifteen or twenty storm troopers from the SFPD, accompanied by Steve Jobs, breaking into your apartment. After they’ve recovered their device, Jobs will erase your memory so you can’t tell anyone about the new features incorporated into the new iPhone. They’ve got a app for that.
  4. You steal it, but give it to some other bar patron after you discover it won’t play Flash videos.
  5. Although you decide to keep it and use it as your new smart phone, you discover after playing with it for about at hour that it’s nowhere near as capable as your Droid Bionic. You leave it behind at another bar.
  6. After being turned down by Gizmodo, you try to sell it to FOSS Force. They plead poverty and offer you $20, which they pay by check. Eventually, the check is returned by the bank marked “not sufficient funds.”
  7. After using it to post to Facebook and Twitter about your incredible find, you’re surprised when the Apple goon squad shows up to reclaim their device.
  8. You use it to download a bunch of songs from the iTunes store and spend the rest of the night playing “Who Let the Dogs Out,” which gets better and better the drunker you get.
  9. Being tech illiterate, you don’t recognize it as a phone and think it’s just a fancy remote control. After spending a few minutes trying to get it to change the channel on the bar’s TV, you give up and go across the street to Ziggy’s to listen to the juke box.
  10. You wipe it and load Android on it, turning it into a better phone.

Well, that’s the top ten things to do with an iPhone prototype found abandoned in a bar from our viewpoint. Perhaps you’ll have an idea or two of your own to post below….


  1. AC AC September 8, 2011

    “You wipe it and load Android on it, turning it into a better phone,” And THEN return it to Apple.

  2. Innocent Bystander Innocent Bystander September 8, 2011

    This phone leak is deliberate to create free publicity. The best thing to do is just to destroy it and don’t talk about it. Then you will see, by some miracle, right after that there will be another one lost in another bar. And if by some miracle, still no one talk about the 2nd leak, there will be full of others waiting to be leaked.

  3. pont pont September 9, 2011

    Burn it infront of Apple HQ!

  4. Rhakios Rhakios September 9, 2011

    Give it to the “Will it blend?” folk so they can have a great scoop.

  5. Anonymous Commenter Anonymous Commenter September 9, 2011

    You could place it on the stack of papers that are always blowing off your desk, it would be great for that… aside from that I can’t think of a decent use for it.

  6. TK TK September 9, 2011

    Hey, I like the “destroy it” suggestions. Be sure to make a video and post/link it everywhere, and fill it full of snarky comments about anything Apple-related. Be prepared for the bi-polar comments and death threats. 🙂

  7. sgk sgk September 9, 2011

    Find a construction site owned by a mob-related corporate front.
    Seal the phone at night within the concrete foundation of the new skyscraper being built.
    Call Apple with an anonymous tip.

  8. Mike Mike September 9, 2011

    Just tear it appart, write ifixit manual as a zero day leak and sell all parts on ebay but keep the data on the drive and erase it after …

    After being rich and famous, Apple will try to pick you up, as it’s just an apple, eat it !!! 😛

  9. ForkMe ForkMe September 9, 2011

    Donate it to Goodwill and see if Apple would sue a charity.

  10. YetAnotherBob YetAnotherBob September 9, 2011

    Hockey puck?

    Door Jamb?

    Skateboard break?

    Fishing weight?

    Tire Chock?

    Fire Starter?

    Lab Chemical mixer?

    Swizzle Stick?

    Ping Pong Paddle?

    Ice Pick?

    There are ten ideas off the top of my head on what could be done with it.

    Oh, I almost forgot, a weapon to use against a mugger (ala Blunt Object).

  11. Ian Ian September 10, 2011

    Mistake it for a beer coaster. And then after playing with it, conclude that was the best use for it.

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