It’s Thursday, and around these parts that means it’s time for the Top 10 list, which means nobody nor nothing is safe.
This week it was deja vu all over again (to steal somebody else’s line) over in Cupertino town, where the Zapple… (oops, that’s a cheap wine they might not even make anymore) …the Apple folks have once again managed to misplace (that means “lose” or “leave behind”) a valuable prototype of an unreleased iPhone at a bar. Hmmm… come to think of it, maybe they are the Zapple folks after all.
Just in case you’ve been living in a cave on some remote island somewhere, the exact same thing happened a year ago in an incident that’s just now getting sorted-out in court. You tell us, doesn’t it seem that a company trying to keep its secrets secret would learn not to take those secrets into a bar? But, then again, we’re poor and they’re rich. We do understand that rich yuppies act much differently than folks like you and I.
Anyway, that got us thinking about the possible things a person might do upon finding an iPhone prototype abandoned in a bar. We wanted this to be realistic, so to put ourselves in the proper frame of mind to fully understand the mindset of your typical bar patron, we opened up a bottle of Wild Crow and then let our imaginations run away with us.
So, here it is, our list of the top 10 things to do with an iPhone prototype found in a bar….
- Do the right thing and return it to Apple. Then you get mad when they don’t offer you a reward and start a blog (AppleSux.com or something) and spend the rest of your life writing tirades against Apple.
- You call Gizmodo and try to sell it to them. They say no-way-Jose, been-there-done-that, we-can’t-afford-the-legal-fees, or words to that effect.
- After slipping it in your pocket, you take it back to your apartment. About 4 AM you’re awakened by the sound of fifteen or twenty storm troopers from the SFPD, accompanied by Steve Jobs, breaking into your apartment. After they’ve recovered their device, Jobs will erase your memory so you can’t tell anyone about the new features incorporated into the new iPhone. They’ve got a app for that.
- You steal it, but give it to some other bar patron after you discover it won’t play Flash videos.
- Although you decide to keep it and use it as your new smart phone, you discover after playing with it for about at hour that it’s nowhere near as capable as your Droid Bionic. You leave it behind at another bar.
- After being turned down by Gizmodo, you try to sell it to FOSS Force. They plead poverty and offer you $20, which they pay by check. Eventually, the check is returned by the bank marked “not sufficient funds.”
- After using it to post to Facebook and Twitter about your incredible find, you’re surprised when the Apple goon squad shows up to reclaim their device.
- You use it to download a bunch of songs from the iTunes store and spend the rest of the night playing “Who Let the Dogs Out,” which gets better and better the drunker you get.
- Being tech illiterate, you don’t recognize it as a phone and think it’s just a fancy remote control. After spending a few minutes trying to get it to change the channel on the bar’s TV, you give up and go across the street to Ziggy’s to listen to the juke box.
- You wipe it and load Android on it, turning it into a better phone.
Well, that’s the top ten things to do with an iPhone prototype found abandoned in a bar from our viewpoint. Perhaps you’ll have an idea or two of your own to post below….